The essence of love and compassion is understanding, the ability to recognize the physical, material, and psychological suffering of others, to put ourselves “inside the skin” of the other. We “go inside” their body, feelings, and mental formations, and witness for ourselves their suffering. Shallow observation as an outsider is not enough to see their suffering. We must become one with the subject of our observation. When we are in contact with another’s suffering, a feeling of compassion is born in us. Compassion means, literally, “to suffer with.”
~ Thich Nhat Hanh
There is a difference between compassion and ‘taking on’ others pain and suffering. Far too often people who are especially sensitive or empathic confuse awareness of others pain with taking it on as their own. When we are coming from a vibration of compassion, we empathize with others experiences as if it were our own (ie, we can be considerate and understanding to treat them with the kindness we would hope to receive if we were in that situation) but we do not take on the low vibration energy of the pattern, emotions and blocks to place ourselves in that energy and space. Becoming one with the subject of our observation, as Thich Nhat Hanh discusses above, is about joining in oneness with the being, not the situation, emotions, limiting beliefs or suffering that being is experiencing – it is Namaste in action. Consider, when you try on a sweater, you do not become the sweater – you become you wearing that particular sweater. When we encounter someone in pain or suffering, we can bring our awareness to the experience they are having (‘try on’ their energy) so we understand what they are going through, but we do not need to take it on as our own experience or truth.
Sometimes people will connect with the pain or hurt someone is going through but there will still be a sense of separation that keeps them from truly connecting with compassion. While they ‘feel bad’ for the person, they are in the energy of ‘poor you’ and pity instead of true compassion and will feel sympathy instead of empathy. The sympathy energy is different from compassion in that it views the person as powerless or less than, often as a helpless victim, rather than as a potent being of Light who is dealing with a challenge in the moment. Sympathy can lead to victimization (“You poor thing, how terrible, I don’t see how you will ever get over/ past/ beyond this level of suffering and trouble”, apathy (“Eh, whatever. It’s not me going through that so I don’t have to worry about it, it’s not my problem.” or insensitivity (“I don’t care that someone else is suffering or struggling.”).
Issues can only be resolved from a level higher than the issue, blocks can only be cleared from the level higher than the block. If you encounter someone in a deep hole, you can’t help them out by climbing into the hole with them. Taking on the emotions, suffering or energy of others is just like getting into the hole. Also, you can’t make them get out of the hole unless they truly want to. You can only provide them with a rope or ladder and let them choose to climb up, or choose to stay in the hole. You provide them with the opportunity, but the choice to act is theirs. It’s the same thing with blocks and challenges, when we can be in compassion (“Hey, I remember when I was down in a hole like that. Here’s a rope, if you use it with that wall on the side it can help you climb up easier.”), rather than pity (“Oh, my gosh, that hole looks so dark and scary, that really sucks. It must be so scary and awful to be in that hole. You poor thing, how will you ever get out?”) or callous (“It’s not my problem you fell in a hole.”) or blaming (“How could you not see that hole, it’s a huge. You should have been paying more attention so you didn’t fall in.”), then we can support ourselves and each other in overcoming challenges more easily.
Notice I said ourselves and others. Far too often people can obtain a space of compassion, understanding and support for others that they are unwilling to offer for themselves. So when you go through out your daily life this week, pay attention to how you interact with yourself and others as they deal with challenging experiences and be aware of where you are coming from in your energy. Is it compassion or sympathy? Are you being empathetic or identifying with the suffering? Are you judging the process unfolding before you or being in awareness of what is going on?
When we are in compassion, for ourselves or others, we connect to the oneness of humanity and to the Loving and Light that is the source of consciousness and being.