When people are having challenges with manifesting a healthy long-term romantic relationship (assuming they want one – not everyone does at any given time), there are usually is energy patterns from childhood and ancestral history of fear of emotional intimacy (abusive relationships, infidelity, absent mother/father, etc). Like other major blocks, the energy has often been passed down through the generations and you picked up on it. The more you bring your awareness to these things, the more you can clear them.
Some people attract already partnered people (which is at least an indication that on some level they are opening up to receiving love, albeit at this point from unsuitable people), while others keep choosing unhealthy or abusive relationships/ partners and others simple create an absence of partnership on a continual basis.
When we feel like there is not enough, most people hoard. Hoarding can be anything, not just things – we can hoard love. When we believe there is a lack of love, we will take and seek any love we can get, even when that love may not be healthy or aligned for us (thus the countless unhappy and unhealthy relationships people have). It is important to recognize that when we seek love outside of ourselves, we never really find it. We may find a momentary high but external love is never sustainable. If you are hoarding love, then ask yourself, where does love come from? When you recognize love is always present within, allow yourself to connect to this place and begin to feel it bubbling up like a spring underground. The more you recognize where love comes from and you let it in, the more you will not seek love in the external, and then, love shows up everywhere.
A first step is to look at conflicting intentions within yourself:
– how open are you really to having a partner?
– do you have sufficient time & space in your life (literally review the available space in your calendar, your social life, your closets, etc)?
– do you have a solid idea about what you want in a mate? (not laundry list of the ‘perfect’ mate but your core values, what do you seek in a partner, what you are willing to provide a partner, your Non-Negotiables: Must have/ Must Not), it is about the qualities you want in a partner and a relationship)
– is your fear of being hurt greater than your desire for partnership?
– are your judgments and limiting beliefs from past experiences blocking you from potential mates?
– are you fully open to receiving love in general or do have many limits, restrictions and conditions?
– when you get complimented to you receive it well? (this indicates how open you are to receiving in general)
– when you go about your daily life, do you connect with others easily or go around distant and disconnected?
Isn’t there One Special Soul Mate out there for me that I just haven’t met yet?
Due to romanticism and societies common fears (abandonment, solitude, unworthiness, etc), many people have bought into the idea that we only have one ‘True Love/ Soul Mate’ in our life – if it doesn’t work out then it reaffirms our secret fears of unworthiness and ‘unlovability’. In reality, we all have more than one ‘Soul Mate’ in our lifetime. A Soul Mate is another soul that made a contract or agreement with our soul, prior to coming into our body, to connect with us in this lifetime for some purpose. Sometimes our parents or best friends are some of our Soul Mates, sometimes not. Personally, I’ve even experienced meeting one of my Soul Mates with whom I’ve been with in several previous lifetimes just to share the beautiful moment of connecting with each other and consciously know the joy that each other is tooling around on the planet at the same time. For many people that might seem like a disappointing and confusing thing, but for me it is truly a source of joy and Light.
When is comes to romantic love a few people connect with one of their Soul Mates early in life and remain together, but it is so much more common to have more than one relationship with different soul mates in our lives. The purpose is to support our souls learning, growth and development – once the lesson(s) learned, the relationship often ends and we move on. It takes great courage, strength and awareness to be willing to step forward from something that no longer serves us into the unknown and move ahead in our life temporarily ‘alone’ to find the next romantic relationship that will support us in deepening in our ability to Love, in growing as a being. While the grieving process can be painful, the ending of a relationship isn’t a sign of failure as a person or an indication of our unworthiness to be loved, it’s natural part of our life journey. If a relationship no longer serves to support our growth, either because one person chooses to not grow and learn anymore, or the dynamic is unhealthy or the lessons are all learned and the relationship comes to a natural completion for both people, then the conscious, aware and loving thing to do is to end the relationship with compassion and respect.
While we may even feel that we still have unresolved stuff with our former partner, we can choose to cut the cords and move forward – it really is a choice. Most often the ‘unresolved’ feeling is actually just that – our feelings that haven’t been dealt with: hurts we haven’t let go of, grudges we haven’t forgiven, grief we haven’t processed, agreements we haven’t consciously released ourselves from or dreams and ideals we haven’t accepted won’t be made reality. If there truly are any unresolved lessons, you can be sure that life will offer up another chance to learn them very soon in another situation or relationship.
Here is an experiment for you to try:
Each day as you get ready to leave, and throughout the day, connect to the Light and send a a beam of blessing Light & Loving to each and every person you encounter (commuters, other customers in line, coworkers, neighbors, etc). As much as reasonably possible, make eye contact, smile and send Light to people (safety first when driving!) – especially the people you wouldn’t usually connect with (the homeless dude walking by, the cranky complainer at the store, etc). If you can’t make eye contact, just look at each of them (5 seconds is idea) and shine loving Light towards them.
Notice what comes up for you as you do this (thoughts, feelings, beliefs, judgments, etc). These can show you where you have limits and blocks on how love can come to you or how you can receive it.
Notice what starts to happen in your life as you make Living Love or Above your choice of being each day. You may find it really surprising to see the shifts, changes and blessings that even this simple process of attention and intention can bring to your life!
If you have challenging days, no worries, just breathe it off and begin again as often as you can. Be the loving you wish to receive and see what you start to get back.
Share with us in the comments section below your experiences with doing this experiment over the next 5-6 weeks so we can all learn and benefit from each other.